Last week one of my friends asked a question which i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even when everything is going great.
The truth is it is not a simple question to reply to because it differs from person to person. There are literally thousands of books which have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What exactly are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you will begin to build up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly frightening. So while I am approaching an attractive woman in a social setting, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to chill, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are some examples. Whenever you feel awkward and fearful simply try to think of a lower gradient that isn't as frightening and lets you make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to connect with them quickly.
Meet Women
You know, guys ask me about "meeting women " and "how to meet women " and other such topics all the time .
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